Why?

Posted January 22nd, 2004 by Sean Williams

People update their blogs exactly as often as they want to, or more. I always get the sense, when reading people’s blogs, that they either have something to say that day or they don’t, and they’re writing because they felt they had to.

Bud’s page and Ian’s page are always exciting, but every once in a while I can tell they are writing because they know they should. I’m sure mine has seemed like that at times.

My problem is, when I don’t have something to say that I am pretty passionate about, there really isn’t any point. I don’t know if it’s too much “method” training as an actor, but it’s really hard for me to write about stuff I don’t care about.

So, here are some excuses.

My acting class: I can’t really write about because there are enough slightly famous, really savvy people in it who wouldn’t appreciate what I have to say. This is one of those instances where there is so much grey area, so much ambivalence, that to write about it publicly would be a mistake. To be clear, I love my class and I love the teacher and some of the other actors, but that is one tenth of the story, and the rest just isn’t for a public blog.

The Wedding: Truthfully, I have spent the last few months desperately trying to find a way to deserve to marry this woman who is willing, and I find that stuff self-referential and navel gazing tripe. I haven’t spent enough time trying to get the damn event organized because of my paralyzing fears of inadequacy that will set in the day after it all happens.

Job Search: What can I tell you? I have always been under the impression that a) I fail because I am lazy and b) all a person has to do is try their hardest and things will work out for them. I have overcome my laziness, what my sister Tessa reminds me is simply fear, and I am trying, daily, to change my fiscal situation, and I have been trying not just since October, or since May, but since last New Year’s when I decided that I wanted to marry Jordana, and it just isn’t working out for me right now.

Politics: You really want to read what I have to say about politics? Even my close friends get tired of hearing me talk about stuff that I actually understand, why the hell would I talk about politics? Here’s all you could possible want to know about me; I believe Bush is a dim-witted decent man who has a job he doesn’t understand the first thing about. He is a mean-as-hell trust fund kid who’s belief in his own greatness, created by his parents, makes him unable to understand what he’s doing, to the great advantage of the brilliant and bad men who surround him. I want someone else running the country.

Art: I have been spending more and more time writing music the last few days, and reading scripts for both the show I’m in and the class I’m taking, so this part is pretty nice. Jordana made me a deal that if I wrote music, she would work on finishing her novel, which she is about 4/7s done with.

So, really, don’t get mad at me for not writing. I don’t have a whole lot I feel I can say on this page right now.