Laziness

Posted February 12th, 2004 by Sean Williams

Some things that people say stick with me. It isn’t generally the stuff you might think. Maybe it’s the actor training in me, but when people try to say stuff and they put on that “Hey, sit ‘pon my knee and listen” face, I turn right the fuck off. My problem with authority, I guess.

Anyway, some years ago, I was asking Michelle how a friend of hers could be so stupid (she was dating a crappy guy? I don’t remember. I don’t even remember what friend) and Michelle said, “Everyone always knows the truth about everything, we just chose to believe the lies we tell ourselves.”

Some guy comes up and talks to you. Says he’s got tickets to the Grammys. You tell him you just want to be friends, he’s like, “Yeah! Of course! I mean, I just broke up with my girlfriend and I have this extra ticket…”

So, the truth is, he has two tickets, or not, and he’s got a girlfriend that he *hasn’t* broken up with and he’s pissed that you don’t want to sleep with him just because he *says* he has tickets… etc. You know the truth of this.

Anyway, at one point I said something about me being lazy in front of my sister Tessa and she, offhanded, said, “I don’t really believe in ‘lazy’, I think it’s almost always just ‘fear'”. This has stayed with me as *massively* profound, probably much more so than she meant it. (It’s also made me re-assess her husband as “the most scared mother fucker on the planet”, but that’s a whole ‘nother thing…)

(I kid! I kid… because I *love*…)

So, for the last month or so, I have had to overcome my fear of rejection on a number of levels, and I’m not just talking about my nightly pursuits of Jordana, chasing her around the room stark naked while she whips at me with a wet towel. No, I’ve been applying for jobs, everywhere and anywhere I can.

Doing this online is actually pretty fun. It’s the thing about email and even this blog. It’s totally insanely not personal. My resume is good, but there isn’t a single lie on it. My expectations are my real expecations. When they asked me to describe my dream job I actually said in the middle of my description “a place where my talents and skills will be required on a daily basis to challenge and stimulate the people I work with to a higher level of success.” It’s true, I want that.

I mean, they asked, right?

I wish there was some way I could audition for plays online. They email me the script and I write back saying what I would do with it, and they cast me. I can handle rejection, as long as it’s done from a long long way away.