Utah

Posted March 9th, 2004 by Sean Williams

Wouldn’t it be funny to complain about the DMV?

Y’know what, it isn’t. And here are a few more things that aren’t funny anymore

1) Women love to shop, men love remote controls. No shit, asshole, it was barely funny in 1971, it just sucks now.

2) Cell phones. Everything about cell phones isn’t funny. Y’know how people have bad service and they talk really loud in movies and all the funny rings are so weird and gofuckyourself, it isn’t funny.

3) Black people talk at the movie screen. Isn’t that just *rude* how darkie always yells at the screen about how they shouldn’t go in the haunted house? You’d almost think Eddie Murphy *didn’t* say that in a movie that *everyone* saw in 1983.

4) Awkward uncomfortable Jews. Ooooh, look how neurotic! It’s like that Jew doesn’t know how to live his life free from concern! Ben Stiller, go fuck yourself. Take a clue from your dad who walks around like he’s king of the world. That’s the Jew I want to hang out with.

5) Fat people like to eat. Years from now, we’re gonna look back on the “Fat Monica” episodes of Friends the same way we see Amos and Andy now. How hilarious that a *painfully* thin woman used to be, not just a little bit fat, but *obese*. When fat people watch that show, they want to die.

6) The lines at the DMV, Lawyers, Doctors love golf, Actors are shallow, people we worship for no good reason go to jail, WMDs, right wing christians are full of hate, acronym-jokes (except for the “INRI” above Jesus’ head standing for “I’m Nailed Right In”) all of this stuff is actually either pathetic or been done a billion times. So quit joking about it.

Stuff that’s still funny

1) The internet is mostly porn.

It’s funny because it’s true!

The DMV in New York has decided that they can’t accept a faxed copy of my Utah driver license because “that’s how the terrorists fool the state.” What they will accept is a hard copy that I bring in with my own two hands.

That’s right, inter-departmental faxes can be tampered with by me because I never see or touch them, but hard copies that I send away for and then bring in are acceptable. Of course, security is of utmost concern, the letter has to have letterhead.

So, I called Utah and the people there were just like “Oh! Okay! You need to get this form and send it to us, and we’ll take it from there! No problem!” It always amazes me that customer satisfaction is important in Utah at every possible interaction. The Drive-Thru lady is usually awesome in Utah. So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but the culture shock of standing in line at a manhattan DMV and then getting on the phone with the nice lady at the Utah DMV was jarring.

I’m not saying these people don’t believe that a Cap’n Crunch decoder ring brought them the word of God, I’m just saying they are awfully nice.