I’ve had a problem ever since I was a little kid. Sometimes I get so mad that I actually have a fit. When I was a teenager, these fits would last for two or three minutes, me just clenched fists and curled legs snarling in a corner. When I was a kid, they would last indefinitely. It might even be why one of my teacher’s thought I was epileptic.

But here’s the thing, I was pretty much in control of them. I mean, I have these fits because it feels so much better to have them than to not have them. I’m not epileptic, although it would be awesome to be epileptic because then I could be, y’know, shakespearean and everything.

I took Jordana’s computer in to be fixed. The first place wanted fuckloads of money, so I took it to the Apple store, made an appointment for three hours later, then sat and waited for 45 minutes after the appointment time, making me an hour late for a meeting with Mac. I went back to pick it up today.

They fixed the computer’s plug, and they told me to make sure it was working. I needed an address and phone number anyway, so I tried to load “” only to discover that the N, the Y and the H weren’t working. Good thing I checked, they brought it in the back and fixed it.

I brought it home and now, Jordana says the Shift key doesn’t work.

So, let me get this straight. I got the *PLUG* fixed, and because I only sampled a *lot* of the letters, but didn’t actually try to use *ALL* of them, I didn’t find out what the problem was? A PROBLEM I DIDN”T FUCKING HAVE WHEN I BROUGHT THE MACHINE IN IN THE FIRST PLACE?!!

It’s like bringing a suit in to get it pressed, and getting it back with all the buttons ripped off. No, it isn’t, it’s stupider than that. You can see buttons on a suit getting ripped during normal shit. It’s like getting the plug fixed on your computer and then finding out the buttons on the other side of the computer don’t work. It’s that stupid. It’s fucking stupid beyond comparison.

When Jordana told me, my whole body locked up. I’m too old to do it now the way I used to, my temper tantrums now are just, y’know, this blog. And you see how often I don’t write. But she told me and I managed to walk out of the room before my whole upper body locked up for about thirty seconds. I have little fingernail half moons in my hand and I totally threw my back out.

And maybe that’s what it is. As men, we get older and we just don’t have the flexibility and muscle tone to react the same way we did when we were fifteen. We *feel* all the same ways, we just don’t have the strength to carry out most of our plans.

You know what the apple store should do? They should fix it for free? Yeah, they should. But more than that. Since I had to wait so long, and since carrying around the goddam laptop on the mother fucking subway is such a pain in the ass, they should drive out here to my house and pick up the computer and bring it back to apple and fix it, and quickly, and then they should come back and pay me for the time it took for me to wait in line in their fucking store. Even $25 an hour is fine. By my count, I paid them $105 for the part, but I had a total of four hours of waiting, so they should drive their i-asses out to my house, fix my computer, and give me $95.