Fat? White? Male? Funny Pants?

Sometimes when we are upstate, a group of people will decide to go on a walk. I ask them where they are going, and it turns out they are going to some point, and then they will turn around and come back. I ask them if they will be buying anything on the walk, and they say no. “Sandwiches, candy, soda?” “No”.

So I tell them that I’ll stay here, they can go for a walk, and I’ll let them know if they’ve missed anything while they were walking.

Yes, yes, I’m sure something lovely happens on these walks. I go on walks with my wife, but she’s a computer games whore and it’s the only way I can get her attention. And, truth be told, I always bring cash because I always secretly hope we will get sandwiches, candy and soda. And usually we do.

So the other day when I was in the middle of a glorious two hours spent on the golf course, I realized why I love it so much. I’m walking around, only to end up back where I started. However, I get a ball and a thing to hit that ball with, and, on the walk, a place to aim the ball eventually.

I went and played golf with the New York parents, and I had such a ball. Sure, some people take it seriously and sure, sometimes it is frustrating as hell. And yeah, you get tired of people telling you to keep your head down and which club to use and countless more nonsense, but basically, you are just wandering around on a really pretty walk and you have a stick and a ball.

18 holes may be a bit much for me, just about four or five holes more than I want to play. Also, five hours out in the sun might be just a touch more than I want to do, especially when it’s 10 am to 3 pm. But it really isn’t just fat guys walking aroound in funny pants.

When you hit that ball right, you feel a tuning fork go off in your chest. I can hear the pitch, that’s how clear it is. You get all the ball, it goes sailing, the right direction, the right yardage, the right everything. I scored about 130 on 18 holes yesterday, but four or five of those shots were damn near perfect. If I break a hundred some day, it’ll be because I got five more of those shots a game.

But, I don’t really care. The walk is nice. And they had sandwiches.